Well another season is upon us. The squad has rested all off-season and is prepared to better its record of last season. We plan on doing this through heads up play and by not beating ourselves. The official beginning of the long grind got started at Ralph’s annual Christmas party. Although it’s a great time the mood is slightly dampened by the fact that the Bills lost to Miami this afternoon in the wildcard round of the playoffs. It seems Doug Flutie took a page from the EB book, not staying within himself and trying to force things to happen. It naturally blew up in his face and the Bills are gone. This does at least make one partygoer happy, as Lenny is a devout Dolphags fan. To be that in a Bills town is certainly a sign of butthole-ish-ness. Anyway he is entitled after the monster year he had in which he hit .421 and drove in an astounding 109 runs! He is the first unanimous EB MVP garnering all 15 votes.

The team has come through the winter in good shape. Danny had rotator cuff surgery in November and hopes that he will be recovered in time for the season. The doctor has said he will. No other injuries have been reported although there have been rumors of continued problems with Kirby’s elbow and Lenny’s back is a little sore but that is a yearly thing. We also will lose some playing time from Dave Ladori who will be playing in the ‘AAA’ League this summer and will not be a fulltime EB player. The team should benefit though from two crucial off-season schedule changes. Eddie is now running his own company, which should limit his travel time and keep him in Buffalo most of the summer. Needless to say his glove, powerful bat and ability to pitch is a great plus. J Ward is coming off a strong college baseball season and without other ball playing commitments this summer should be able to take a turn in the rotation and also provide devastating relief pitching. We have not added any new personal to this already quirky bunch. We have added a new uniform and three new hats. We ended our one-year working agreement with Western Athletic as their hats proved to not be able to take the rigors of our 65-game schedule. Its now back to New Era for all our headwear needs although the new logo on the side of the hat is extremely gay.

The team is set and the players are:

C – Len Previte (Lenny)

1B – Mike Myers (Mikey)

2B – Ralph Proulx (Skip)

SS – Jimmy Galbo (G)

3B – Jim Proulx (Perx, Purky)

LF – Pete Englert (Petey)

CF – Steve Pepi (Pep)

RF – Paul Englert (Pauly)

EH – Danny Ingersol (Danny)

P - Bobby Ward (B Ward)

P - Jeff Ward (J Ward)

CF – Ed Warnke (Eddie)

Team Biographer – M Ward

Saturday April 3 – Caz Park – Our first practice! It’s 70 degrees out and sunny. We get in a solid day’s work. Maybe this will be an early spring and we can get in a few games before the opener. Eddie even shows up which in keeping with his new company and more time in Buffalo philosophy could mean more games. He catches some ribbing from Pauly and B Ward about his commercial he’s been running on cable TV.

Tuesday April 13 – Practice rained out. This is more like April Buffalo weather. Very similar to last year.

Friday April 16 – Practice rained out again. So much for the early spring we thought we’d get when we practiced on April 3^rd.

Wednesday April 21 – Caz Park – Finally the dreary conditions cease and we get another practice in. Lenny is inspired enough to show also. That makes two years in a row. Incredible! B Ward breaks out his new power stick a 33-½ inch model. Seems the 33-inch model he and Pep got last year was not man enough for him. He christens it and deems it his "wonderboy".

Sunday April 25 – Delaware Park – One week before the season opener and Ralph has gotten us a game against St. James Place from our league. Delaware Park has been renovated and they have slightly relocated one of the diamonds and eliminated another one altogether. The park has two nice diamonds now. However, the grounds crew still must search for the right combination of clay and dirt as the diamond, although looking nice resembles running on a beach and the pitching mound already has holes. Ever hear of a tamping device you union scumbags? Anyway, we play nine and win although we are just trying to get our work in. Perx hits up a storm with three base knocks, B Ward is stroking with his new stick and throws a flawless five innings, Eddie and Len hit a couple hard shots for base hits and Pete raps a hit. A good performance all around. Mikey implores the squad to score more runs as Pep is coming in to throw the last four and he needs lots of help. He doesn’t disappoint walking eight and giving up four runs in a stellar performance. Perx forgets how many outs there are. They are both in mid-season form. Mikey takes a foul ball off the shoulder but nuts it up to finish behind the plate. Lenny received a shot of cortisone in his back last week and reports that he feels great!

Wednesday April 27 – Caz Park – A routine practice. We must wait for a Catholic High School JV game to get over. It is a lame game and we need not discuss it any further. Practice goes well and Mikey displays his ‘badge of courage’, which is a very bruised shoulder from Sunday’s foul ball. Very ugly sight! Bottom line is that "Scrap Iron" is at practice. Kirby is at practice sporting his new hair. His elbow should be fine for the season. We announce that for opening day this Sunday we will wear our new cutoffs but with our old brown undershirt. What the fuck is this? It’s not bad enough that our new uni is a cutoff but we compound it by not wearing its intended-matching undershirt? We also witness a Ripley’s Believe It or Not. Nine players show up to practice. Each of the nine players is wearing a different EB hat! What’s up with that? This season is off to an eerie start. Opening day is four days off. EB suits up against Molly’s Pub this Sunday at Centennial to kick off our season. Back to the glorious grind!

Sunday May 2 – Centennial Park Vs Molly’s Pub (AA) – EB wins 3-2. We get off to a good start. For the second year in a row EB wins their opener. Pep K’s eleven in six-plus innings and J Ward inherits a 2^nd and 3^rd no out situation and finishes with an exclamation point to gain the save. His relief work adds a new dimension to the EB roster and hope for the season as our new weapon K’s the first two hitters and induces a room service high hopper to Perx at second to close out the win. EB is innovative in employing a dominant closer to its staff. Hopefully he will have this opportunity many more times. We start the game by giving up a run but we answer with three of our own and make it stand up. Eddie makes two nice plays in center and Ralph collects his 500^th career hit in the bottom of the first on his first AB of the year. He did not want to have that hanging over his head so he took care of business immediately. The game was stopped and the ball was retrieved. Lenny took one in the nuts in the second inning so his season of abuse has officially started. Mikey took time out of his bowling/drunkfest tournament to play the game before having to split right after the game to go finish. Today also marks the 60^th anniversary of Lou Gehrig of the Yankees begging out of the lineup because he was in a little slump and felt ‘sick’.

Wednesday May 5 – Caz Park – EB has an in season practice? Yes this is true because our early season schedule is spread out due to expected rainouts and make-ups. So what the hell, six of us get out to shag a little and do some rippin’. The temp is in the mid-80’s and it feels like July!

Sunday May 9 – Delaware Park – EB Vs Vinny’s Pub (AA) – EB wins 12-1. For the second week in a row we throw up a three spot in the first. Kirby starts the game but can only go two as his problem elbow acts up. It is in the mid-50’s and gusty out so we figure get him out now as a precaution. Warm weather hopefully will help. J Ward again comes out of the pen and throws the last five to get the win. He now has a save and a win on the young season. Pep makes two diving catches to end innings in center but is denied the EB putout record for an outfielder when Pete calls him off and ‘steals’ the record breaker in the 5^th. Pete also gives him some heated words about straying into his territory. Pauly has three hits and three RBI as everyone in the lineup collects a hit and we give up only an unearned run on a botched inning ending force out. Concentration goddamn it! Danny returns to the lineup but only as a DH. He still cannot throw well enough to play the field. I think his doctor must have been the Buffalo Bills doctor. If it was, we won’t see him in the field all year. Vinny’s is the team that last year played as First Place/Reliance. They have made a few pickups and look better than last years one win and twenty-nine loss outfit.

Monday May 10 – Sheridan Park – EB Vs Home Run Derby (AA) – EB wins 13-7. Not the most well played game but a victory is all that matters. We battle back from a 7-5 deficit to win going away. B Ward starts and pitches well despite some butchering by his fielders that costs him five runs and adds thirty pitches to his night. The extra throws cost him the win as Pep comes in to pitch the last three innings and steal the victory. Danny gets our evening started by ripping a double through a drawn in infield in the second inning. Yes they were playing the infield in in the second inning of a scoreless game. Is this over managing at its worst or what? We fall behind but Eddie, in his first game of the year, completes our comeback from a seven to five deficit with a three-run bomb to cap an eight run fifth. For an encore he throws out a runner at the plate in the bottom of the frame to end the inning. Eddie gave the rest of the team a three game start on the homerun lead but now that he has hit his first of what we are sure will be many it appears he will lead the team wire to wire. And if the game was not played sloppy enough Danny gets picked off second with two outs in the 7^th inning with a six run lead and nearly starts a brawl by firing an elbow after the tag on his helmet. It’s an ironic elbow as it hits Tommy Minarcin of HRD who is also a member of our AZ squad, which Danny may be playing with in November. We have informed them both that they are rooming together as their penance. Tonight also marks the first time we have bunted in the wrong situation, something I’m sure we’ll discuss in these pages at other times. You do not bunt your number five hitter in the second inning of a scoreless game. Bunting is a one run strategy and this is a hitter’s league. You do not see very many low scoring games. There is a reason your five hitter hits fifth and its not for the bunt. You play for one run and that is all you get. We do get our one run and that’s it. Next up is the battle of the remaining league undefeateds, EB Vs Weichec’s this Sunday at the Big C.

Sunday May 16 – Centennial Park Vs Weichec’s (AA) – EB loses 11-2. In a rematch with the team that bounced us from the play-offs last year, we play like it is still last year. We only trail one to nothing after three but Pep walks the leadoff hitter in the fourth and that bad omen results in nine runs including a grand slam being scored in the frame. It takes us until the fourth inning to get a hit and we make six errors and this combination will not get us many wins. EB just does not play a strong game physically or mentally. We don’t talk to each other on plays and throw to the wrong bases and do not execute fundamentals by getting down our bunts. EB has to stay together. The only bright spot is J Ward comes in and throws the last 3 2/3 innings giving up only one cheap run. He has been the team’s best pitcher and we must get him a start somewhere. We bat eleven guys today and each only get three at bats. The team does not seem overly concerned about our play after the game. This is either a sign of complacency, a sign that we have been reading our press clippings about the three and oh start to the season or that EB will be resilient and shake off dismal performances like this and not dwell on them. It should however be noted that we have not beaten anybody yet other than teams we should beat.

Tuesday May 18 – Lyon’s Park Vs Chippewa Indians (35) – Rained out. Ralph for the first time is wrong about the weather forecast. He doesn’t think the rain will make it across the Niagara River and over to Chippewa but sure enough it does. We break out with five in the first and with two outs a torrential downpour mixed with lightning begins. We race to our vehicles (Pete and Lenny show their Mensa skills by waiting it out under a comfy tree) to wait it out. The rain stops and we take the field but before the start of the bottom of the inning it starts again. Game called. Over to the Chippewa Inn where we are waited on by Ms. "No Tits" Congeniality who eventually gets us our beer, tiny Canadian chicken wings and lame pizza. Ralph is also running very poor smack about EB being the surprise of the league so far. Newsflash…We beat three teams we should beat and the only tough team we played we got crushed and played like shit. We also witness the Sabres eliminate the Bruins. When we leave Ralph and Pep decide to take a piss in the parking lot across the street that resembles a strip mall. However it is someone’s home. We apologize profusely to the lady who sees us while we continue to pee. We drive away as she races out to pretend that she is recording our plate numbers on a pad of paper. We are not fooled. People who threaten do not carry out their threats. It’s like the morons that issue death threats. You should hope you get a death threat because it guarantees you will remain alive.

Friday May 21 – Burgar Park Vs Welland Temple Club (35) – EB wins 14-11. A slugfest that EB holds on to win. Mikey goes four for four and Pauly continues his torrid pace by collecting two hits. Everyone in the lineup collects at least one hit. B Ward gets the win in his first appearance in thirteen days. Ralph throws the final two innings to get the save. He also gets a feeling of what his pitchers must endure when with EB leading 14-3 heading into the bottom of the 6^th the squad displays its fielding butchery. We commit a couple errors that lead to eight runs which makes the game close until Ralph has a one, two, three seventh. It’s like we have a pair of rocks on our hands instead of gloves. Pep gives up a homer that dents the hood of G’s car in left center. Lenny gets upset that Pep shakes him off and fires a return throw into center to display his disgust.

Sunday May 23 – Centennial Park Vs Eldridge Club (AA) – EB wins 7-4. Simply put we play our best game of the year. We make all the plays in the field, get some clutch hits and good pitching and we win. Pretty simple plan. R Kirbis fills in for Lenny behind the plate and blasts a solo homer in the 5th and calls a solid game behind the plate in his EB league debut. G chips in with a two-run single and Pauly continues to rip the ball with a double to the gap in left center that short hops the fence. R Kirbis also doubles off the base of the wall in center. B Ward makes two sparkling defensive plays at second base, which seem to lift the team up. The only blemishes are the two two-run homers that Pep gives up, one of which is still traveling somewhere. The post-game festivities feature tuke fin and our first mandatory beer run of the year. Pauly almost gets benched for forgetting the beer he promised to bring Friday night in Welland but Anita picks him up. However the icing technique needs to be improved. Its beer in the cooler first and then the ice on top not the other way around but hey, beggars can’t be chooser’s.

Monday May 24 – Sheridan Park Vs Kuhn Construction (AA) – Rained out. It would have been great to get this game in tonight as we have been playing well. However, the Buffalo weather has turned from spring to fall in one day. Cold, rainy, windy conditions on the plate until Thursday. This weekend we play in the Mississauga (35) tournament. Two games Saturday and at least one on Sunday and probably two as we plan on being in the finals. No comments this year about a vaunted staff will hex this squad.

Saturday May 29 – Meadowvale Sports Park Vs Tillsonburg (35T) – EB wins 5-1. In the opening game of the Mississauga Tournament EB comes out and puts on a very businesslike performance. B Ward throws two perfect innings, which allows EB to get an early 2-0 lead, and we play solid defense and come away with the victory. Tillsonburg has three decent pitchers who keep them in the game. They also are a little rankled with us trying to bunt a runner over with a 4 nothing lead in the sixth. We don’t know why but these assholes have a problem with it. G takes a three and two pitch off the scapula, which we think is retaliation for our perceived miscarriage of Vintage League rules. The ump and some of EB squad players think G at first was going to charge the mound but he was just being Charlie hustle. Lenny, aka RBI machine drives in two while Ralph joins the clan. He jinxed himself talking about his lack of K’s earlier this week.

Saturday May 29 -Meadowvale Sports Park Vs Welland Temple Club (35T) – EB wins 11-0. Not only do we win by shutout but the staff, B Ward, Pep and Pete spin a no-hitter! Al Kuhn is the only one who new about it as he told us after the game. Al is playing with us this weekend for the tournament and his catching ability and booming bat are greatly appreciated. Besides guiding the staff to the no-hitter, he chips in two two-run homers and drives in six to put a close game out of reach. Lenny scores three times and we now are two and oh heading into tomorrow mornings game Vs St. Catharines, our old nemesis. Win and we are in the finals, lose and give up seven runs or less and we are still in the finals due to the first tiebreaker. But now it’s on to the steak dinner and to watch the Sabres finish off the Leafs in the Conference Finals. By the time our game is over and we get our equipment put away the Sabres are leading five zip! Now we don’t have to rush through dinner and get back to the hotel. We have a few more beers at the park before heading off to the room # 413 party. Mikey and Pep have supplied the beers and we get an appearance by the entire squad. This of course brings a few humorous moments none of which can top Pauly’s girlishness. Let me set this up. We have two kinds of beer in one cooler. Banquet Beer and Molson Ice. Pauly is nearest the cooler and he has been requested to get one of each. He sifts through the ice in the cooler and gets a Coors. He searches and searches for a Molson Ice and gives up by saying that his hand was getting cold and for someone else to get the beer. That is about as gay as it gets! Your hand was getting cold? Mikey ends up sleeping on the floor and the party lasts until 3:30 for Mikey, Al and Pep.

Sunday May 30 -Meadowvale Sports Park Vs St. Catharines (35T) – EB loses 13-7. After playing so well yesterday and with St. Catharines eliminated of any chance of going to the final we come out and give up nine runs in the top of the first. St. Kits is hitting today and we help them with four critical errors in the game. We battle back to make it nine to seven after two but then collect only one hit the rest of the way and we are out of our first tournament of the year. This is a bitter loss. EB plays like shit. This can’t be the same team we saw yesterday.

Wednesday June 2 -Welland Sports Complex Vs Welland Chiefs (NL) – EB loses 9-7. Due to injuries we have only nine players tonight. J Ward makes his first EB start of the season. It has poured all day and the grass is soaked. Pep has attempted to get the contest rained out and in doing so has been removed by Ralph from the field inspection crew. If it weren’t for Dave Sprakett of the Chief’s, this game would have been called before it even started. The wet conditions make it tough to grip the ball. The game is scoreless through two innings but then the Chiefs score four in the third and EB must battle back. After getting one hit through five innings we score five runs in the 6^th and trail six to five. We surrender two back in the bottom of the sixth and score two in the top of the seventh and leave the bases loaded to end the game. Lenny continues from last year to hit his deepest balls in the deepest parks. Tonight he blasts a ball to the warning track in straight away center field 400 feet away. He hits this in any other park and the ball is gone by a long shot. He also continues a trend by driving in two more runs. Mikey is still sizzling collecting two more hits. A welcome sign tonight is Danny playing the outfield and his arm looks like it is making quick progress now. We are looking forward to having his glove in the field full time very soon.

Friday June 4 -MacMillan Park Vs Thorold A’s (AA) – EB loses 14-5. Tonight we were going to have to be playing our ‘A’ game to get a victory. We brought our ‘Z’ game and got crushed. We again have to scrap with only nine guys. Mikey is missing due to work circumstances. Danny and Eddie are missing for other bullshit reasons. If this were a playoff game I’d guarantee those two would be here. Pep is hobbling and limited to gimping around at first base and we must play J Ward in centerfield which is unfair to him as he has not seen the outfield for two years and worse has not batted in three. There is just to many holes in our batting order to build and sustain a rally. B Ward throws the first four and J Ward the final two and they pitch their asses off. However our defense lets them down as we surrender eight unearned runs. The score is 1-1 heading into the bottom of the third inning and B Ward has us out of the third inning until a dropped two out line drive leads to two runs and then the comedy of errors begin. Seems our staff was the only ones that brought there ‘A’ game. Thorold steals a base with a 14-2 lead, which brings a viscous stream of foul language and abuse from EB. The nine run fifth inning took us out of the game along with the 12 strikeouts our lineup contributed. We see our "friend", umpy; who does his usual shit job behind the plate. Pete joins the klan. The loss drops us to 4 and 2 in the (AA) league with a big game Vs St. James coming up Sunday.

Sunday June 6 -Centennial Field Vs St. James Place (AA) – EB loses 5-4. We drop our fourth game in a row and our second league game in a row. B Ward comes back on 1 days rest to throw a very nice game. He gives up three in the first but settles down and shuts them out until the seventh. In a scene played out all to many times last year, Pep comes on in relief and loses the game. Eddie hits two home runs. The second is a dramatic two-run shot to tie the game in the bottom of the seventh. Danny plays second base for the first time this year and contributes stellar fielding to the cause. This is why we need these guys to be able to play with us every day. After the game M Ward interviews the squad for a future EB newspaper article. Lenny provides some funny insight and shows he is not afraid of a microphone while Pete goes ballistic over the possible mention of some of the player’s ages. Pep makes a beer run and brings back a fifteen pack of Stroh’s Light. This completes his big day of taking the loss, wearing the collar and picking up some weak beer.

Monday June 7 -Sheridan Park Vs Molly’s Pub (AA) – EB loses 17-2. The streak reaches five ugly games. What can you say? We really suck. We can’t do anything. Pitch, hit, field, we just suck! Pep’s theme on the hill tonight has a Fourth of July flavor to it. Fireworks are exploding everywhere. B Ward is forced to enter the game in the fifth after throwing four Friday night and seven yesterday. Thank god its only one loss. Can we play any worse? Six errors that lead to ten unearned runs, while we get three hit and score only two! The top six men in the EB order are oh for fifteen.

Thursday June 10 -Houghton Park Vs Kuhn Construction (AA) – EB wins 5-4. History is made and two ugly streaks are over. We break our five game losing skid and defeat a team we have never defeated in league action. How can we play like shit for one week, drop five games in a row and then defeat the league champions? Dave Ladori makes his first EB appearance of the year and starts the game with a double. Lenny cashes him in and we are up 1-0. J Ward starts and Lenny coaxes a masterful performance out of the kid. J goes the distance throwing 122 pitches en route to this stunning turnaround. Lenny drives in three and Pep contributes a pinch-hit triple to score two in the top of the sixth to break a three to three tie. With the score 5-3 in the bottom of the 7^th Kuhn mounts a rally scoring one but J Ward pitches out of the jam by leaving runners at the corners to end the game. We head over to Wiechec’s after the game to see the Sabres lose Game Two of the Stanley Cup Finals against Dallas.

Sunday June 13 -Centennial Park Vs Vinny’s Pub (AA) – EB wins 6-1. The pitching staff Ward keeps it rolling. B Ward today throws the gem. An economical 101 pitch four- hitter. We lost the shutout in the sixth on a botched pick off play. But that was about the only thing we did wrong. B Ward K’s the side in the top of the first and Eddie leads off the bottom of the first with a homer. R Kirbis contributes another homer and the first six men in the order have a hit and a run scored. Our record moves to six and four with a tough week of games coming up.

Monday June 14 -Sheridan Park Vs Kuhn Construction (AA) – Rained out. Rains do not cease until 2:00 in the afternoon. Even the Sheridan Park crew cannot get the diamond ready.

Wednesday June 16 -Welland Sports Complex Vs Welland Chief’s (AA) – EB wins 9-0. J Ward throws a complete game shutout for EB’s third win in a row. Mikey stays hot with three more hits and with Pete and Pauly absent we have R Kirbis in center and a new face Freddy (Urbano) Lugo in right. Fred is a co-worker of Lenny’s and although hitless does draw a walk and slides headfirst into first base on a ground out. Ralph loves the guy! Lenny has a tiring night as not only does he call and catch the J Ward gem but also Mikey wears him out trying to execute a hit and run. Four consecutive pitches are fouled back which keeps Lenny running back and forth between first and second. J Ward objects to Pep calling him Kid Rock and asks him not to as it is messing with his head. Freakin punks! B Ward supplies beers and Ralph also contributes a twelve-pack to the cause.

Sunday June 20 -Centennial Field Vs Wiechec’s (AA) – EB loses 12-2. This game appears to be set up perfectly for an EB upset. The Sabres play Game Six of the Stanley Cup Finals Saturday night and the game goes to triple overtime and ends at 1:30 AM. We figure with our veteran squad snuggled in bed and their youthful squad hanging for three extra periods in a bar we have a good shot. Further they are missing three regulars and have a fourth being benched. We start off by jumping up with two in the top of the first but then Pep continues his Independence Day in June imitation by giving them right back en route to a four inning nine run raking on the hill. The first opposition hitter hits a ground ball to first and he doesn’t cover first base and the route is on. We played horrible defense and just do not do anything with the bats after the first inning. The squad gives itself a very nice Father’s Day present. Enough said. Things get a little testy in the dugout after a circus-like third inning that includes three errors and various other miscues. Pitiful!

Monday June 21 -Sheridan Park Vs Home Run Derby (AA) – EB wins 4-3. Against second place HRD and without Ralph (daughter’s graduation), Mikey and B Ward take over the EB helm and guide us to victory. A total team effort with many heroes. R Kirbis starts the game in center field and throws a runner out at the plate to keep the game scoreless in the second. Lenny does a great sales job on a play at the plate by making a phantom tag and heading to the dugout and gets the call. R then knocks in the eventual game-winning run in the 5^th to cap a four run rally that brings EB back from a 2-0 deficit. But he saves his most nail-biting heroics for the end. On in relief of J Ward and trying to protect a 4 to 2 lead in the 7^th he walks the first two hitters. He gets a big K on a change up for the first out but then gives up a run scoring base hit to make it 4 to 3. With runners at first and second R induces a wicked line drive directly at G playing short. The runner on second is off on the crack of the bat and G calmly snares the line drive and runs to second to double up the runner and end the game! J Ward gets the victory with five solid innings as the kiddie corp staff gets the squad an important victory especially after yesterday’s debacle. Mikey continues to sizzle with two more hits and a .400 batting average. Perx plays a solid third base and Danny continues to hit the ball on the screws and actually is involved on a double play in which Perx rifles a throw to second allowing Danny time to locate his eephus relay to Mikey to complete the twin killing. Lenny continues to be an RBI machine by driving in the tying run and scoring the winning run. He also saves 4 runs by blocking balls at the plate to pick up his young wild man staff. Enough cannot be said of the defense that Lenny and G have been playing for EB. Both have bad backs and G has been playing shortstop all year in place of Danny and making all the plays. If he goes down, EB would be up the proverbial creek, as we have no one down on the farm ready to come up and play short.

Thursday June 24 -Burgar Park Vs Welland Lesions (35) – EB wins 8-7. What a game! EB patches together a pitching staff of Pe Englert, Pa Englert and G and ride their arms to victory. Lenny bangs his first homer since Father’s Day of 1998 and dents a vehicle beyond the left field fence. The homer is a clutch one as EB surrenders 4 runs in the top of the first and he answers right back in the bottom of the inning with his two-run bomb. A funny thing about the tater is that Mikey had parked his vehicle in the same spot before the game. Then his girl took the truck to go get some snacks. It was originally parked in that spot yet when she left some Lesion sap took the parking space and Lenny zeroed in on it with his scud and laid waste to the top of the car. It would have been Mikey's windshield. Mikey continues his torrid pace with a couple hits and EB plays stellar defense turning two double plays. B Ward plays a particularly scintillating infield playing flawless third base and shortstop. The brother’s Proulx play their infield flip-flop as they did last year. This time Perx mans the hot corner and Ralph goes back to his normal second base. We will have to see how long this goes on for. The game would not be complete without the Lesions lefty pitcher crying about something. Tonight it’s in the last inning as EB calls a late timeout to pinch run for Pep on first. A substitute ump grants us time out just as lefty goes into his motion. That when his whining act begins. Pep tells him to go home and get his bottle. Probably the wrong thing to tell a Canuck as he probably thinks about a brew so the dig is lost on him. Ralph, in the midst of a four-game slump, completes an oh for four evening with a helmet toss, garbage can kick and a sunflower seed container boot. A silver lining to this is the seeds were all messed up anyway by Pep who spilled water all over them during pre-game warm-ups. Ralph’s tirade is a very impressive display but he gathers himself and does not become the first EB’r to bolt on the year. We head over to Temple Club after the game and Pep needs to borrow Lenny’s sneakers as he has forgot his. Lame-ass white ones to boot. I guess he can be thankful they weren’t those fag air mocs although these are a gay close second. Beggars can’t be choser's I guess. Nice tits on the chick bartender though. Oogah says B Ward and the rest of the crew.

Friday June 25 -Delaware Park Vs St. James Place (AA) – EB loses 7-4. What happened to our bats? We have as good a hitting lineup as we can field yet score a paltry four runs and waste a fine pitching performance by B Ward. We make only a few miscues in the field but each one is capitalized on. Our sticks don’t capitalize on any of theirs. Our ‘big’ hitters don’t hit. Our other hitters do. Pep goes oh for three in the three-hole and strands two runners at second base and we just do not string our hits together. G takes a bad hop grounder off the side of the face. The thud is a sickening sound. This would be an inning ending force out but it turns into a two-run circus of a play. G somehow stays in the game but his courage does not spark our lifeless lineup. Ralph comes out of his funk with a couple hits and a couple RBI.

Sunday June 27 -Centennial Park Vs Eldredge Club (AA) – EB loses 17-8. We only make one error but give up many hits. We get down 2-0 after one half inning. Eddie and Ralph get on to lead off the bottom of the first and with them standing at second and third Pep K’s looking. He doesn’t K much but he gets them right where you don’t want them. This leaves the clutch work up to Lenny who produces again to drive in a run but that is all we get. That is the closest we get on the day. If we could only have answered right there with two or three of our own this game would have been completely different. That is the difference between winners and losers. We actually battle back from 8-1 to make it 8-5 after four but then the floodgates open. G is playing shortstop with Pep’s batting helmet to protect his swollen head from the shot he took Friday night. Eddie comes in to pitch later on with G going to center and he makes two superb catches on the first two hitters. Petey is in the throws of a horrendous slump and we don’t know what to do to get him out of it. He has hit over .390 the last two years and we keep telling him to just keep hacking and it will work out. He is not K'ing so that is a good sign. Pep is the first to bolt from the scene this year leaving with his spikes still on. Nice job. Our record falls to 8 and 7 and we must right our listing ship.

Tuesday June 29 -Lyon’s Park Vs Chippewa Indian’s (35) – EB wins 23-7. A sad display but we did what we had to do. The game does serve a few purposes though. Pete who has been in a curious slump to end all slumps collects three hits, which has to do well for his psyche. G and Mikey each collect four RBI while Pauly scores four times and Ralph has four hits. Lenny’s buddy, Freddie "Urbano" Lugo breaks onto the all-time EB hit parade stat sheet with a booming double in the fifth. Pep throws an inning in a rehab assignment and all goes well physically. Pauly plays centerfield and makes a couple circus grabs and a chorus of "Eddie who" goes up from the squad. Otherwise the game is a joke and provides players with a lose/lose proposition. Get a bunch of hits to pad your stats, big deal. Proves nothing. God forbid you go oh fer or one fer and screw up your stroke swinging at puss. At least we won because I do remember coming up here and getting two-hit and beat four years ago. We return to the Chippewa House after the game for the first time since the infamous May 18^th urination incident. We smartly park in another place although we see the lady peeking out her window when we roll up. Some faggot looks like he’s lurking around the pool table trying to pickup ballplayers. I don’t know if we should return here. Weird vibes emanating from this place.

Wednesday June 30 -Delaware Park Vs Molly’s Pub (AA) – EB loses 9-4. Pep’s return to the hill ends like his last four trips. With a big fat L. We score a run in the first and then get blanked until the 7^th and by that time we are down nine to one. We actually rally in the 7^th but come up way short. We have free fallen our way to .500. The game ends on a sour note with players getting on each other for various strategic miscues. This is what losing can do to a team. It can make you stronger or tear you apart. EB is the oldest squad in the league but that is not our problem. The problem is consistent mental errors and stupid play. How many times are we told to take a strike and players either forget conveniently or take it upon themselves that that strategy is not for them? Players never know how many outs there are or when to tag up. It is not the coaching. Base coaches repeatedly remind runners and batters of each situation only to have it fall upon deaf ears. We have a small core of players who know the game and try to assist in passing on that knowledge but are looked upon as complete fools. This thinking will not get us where we want to go. The game ends with the years second bolting in three days. Danny this time is the culprit with a weak effort. He even blows off an appearance at his own place of employment as we go to his restaurant and put up with shit music and no ballgames on the closest TV while he contemplates the error of his ways. The six players in attendance agree that bolting is weak unless it can top Ralph and his rubber laying antics last year is St. Catharines. Everyone is in a foul mood and the evening ends ugly with Ralph relinquishing his managerial role to Pep because Pep dares to offer help regarding a certain strategy. He will resign within the next twelve hours. Mikey and Pep complete the evening with a final, final. The nightcap spells out the type of night we have had as Pep wishes a friend congratulations on the impending birth of his child only to find out that it died that day. Nice going Pep.

Friday July 2 -Houghton Park Vs Welland Temple Club (35) – EB loses 5-3. Temple Club brings their ‘A’ team and their ‘A’ game. EB shows up with? Well we show up. 5 hits and 5 unearned runs will not win many ballgames. Four unearned runs in the top of the first forces us to battle from behind. B Ward sees this and promptly puts the team on his back and starts K’g people like he is The Rocket. Four in a row and five overall in his three innings of work gives us the chance to come back. However we cannot rally. Second and third with nobody out in the fifth with Pep and Ralph coming up with the top of the order. Ralph drives in a run with a fielder’s choice and that’s all we get. Nice leadership boys. A few of the guys close Wiechec’s after the game and our sour feelings are reaching a boiling point. We have a few days off which will hopefully change our moods and our play. We are a family that is very dysfunctional at this time.

Wednesday July 7 -Welland Sports Complex Vs Welland Chief’s (NL) – EB wins 15-12. We get off the shnide with a three-hour, ugly win. EB could have made life easier on themselves but as we know, a fourteen to two lead is never safe with Pep on the hill. We let the Chief’s back into the game with some shoddy play and hold on with J Ward closing things out to gain the victory. Errors, errors and more errors eight of them are the theme of the night for EB as all twelve runs are unearned. The Chief’s strangle themselves with nine bases on balls, one hit by pitch and thirteen hits which include three doubles and a triple. The beleaguered EB staff must have the highest pitch count by far of any team in the league. And the problem is never the tough plays but the easy force plays and dropped fly balls that just continue to kill us. Just get a fucking out! Mikey continues to sizzle with three RBI and three hits including a booming one-hop triple off the wall in left center leading off the 7^th. But true to the games form and EB’s play of late we strand him. Ralph plays heads up ball by taking an extra base after singling Pep to third in the first. The first baseman has moved in for a cutoff and Ralph goes halfway in between first and second. When the Chief’s walk back to their positions he just takes second with a weird last second slide. After an out is made, Mikey cashes them both in with a single. Then after Pep doubles in the third, inspired by Ralph’s daring, he takes third when the Chief’s appeal that he missed first base. Ralph then cashes him in with a sacrifice fly. G makes a Omar Vizquel like bare handed play in the bottom of the seventh to add to the highlights and Eddie makes four running grabs in the outfield to put out potential rallies. We have a little scare when Ralph appears to seriously injure his already sore ankle taking ground balls before the bottom of the 7th. This was a scary sight especially in light of the Jason Kendall ankle gross out this past weekend. However, when we run out to determine the severity of his injury we find out he caught his spike in his shoelace and on the way down bent his already sore wrist back. We thought at first it was broken but he is able to gut it out and complete the game. He is listed as day to day. The Chief’s are minus Dave Spracket, an AZ comrade of ours, who has missed the game because his AZ chick flew in to see him. His invite to AZ this year has been revoked for this fag like indiscretion.

Friday July 9 -Delaware Park Vs Home Run Derby (AA) – EB loses 10-4. B Ward throws well but we just cannot put our hits together and put a game away. In an open park we hit everything at the fielders. They hit everything in the gaps. One of those nights. We scratch back from a two to nothing deficit to grab a four to three lead in the fourth. We have the bases loaded and two out when we hit a line drive right at a totally immobile first baseman for the final out. We proceed to the bottom of the fourth and give up four unearned runs to surrender the lead and the game. G, Pauly and Ralph have a couple hits but the rest of us are playing like shit. How long can this go on?

Sunday July 11 -Centennial Park Vs Vinny’s (AA) – EB wins 32-10. We bring our hitting shoes today. To bad we couldn’t trade a few of these in and use them in a few of our recent games. Lenny goes yard, raps another off the fence in left for a hustling single and drives in eight. Mikey promises a homer to his daughter and then rips his inaugural Centennial blast after 577 career at-bats at the Big C! Danny goes five for five, with two walks and scores five times. while Pauly and B Ward each drive in four. J Ward cruises for the victory with help from Pauly who throws a scoreless seventh. We did what we were supposed to do today. Hopefully we got a little confidence back. Perx has missed his fourth straight with a mystery flu like sickness. He thinks he got something after the Temple Club loss from the grub at Wiechec's as Mrs. Pep has experienced the same thing since that dismal evening. The game also features the chase of the little black bear around West Seneca. Damn thing has been on the loose for a week now. The squad sees it walking down a side street near the park as an animal control truck races beyond the outfield wall to try and capture it before the bear gives him the slip. Some old lady starts yelling from the stands about watching your kids or the bear will eat them. Shut up.

Monday July 12 -Sheridan Park Vs Eldridge Club (AA) – EB loses 4-2. Thirty-two yesterday and two today. Nice going boys. With a vaunted nine man batting order featuring Eddie and Dave Ladori this is all we can muster. Pep takes a hard luck loss, which includes him getting hosed at the plate in the top of the first, and K’ing to end the game with the tying runs on base. The game reaches a boiling point when trailing four to nothing Eddie is called out on a play at the plate in which he is clearly safe for the first out in the seventh inning. The problem was his own player forced him to go. Runners were on second and third, one out, and on a hard ground ball to first the runner

on second is off and running not looking to see what the man in front of him is doing! This sets off a chain reaction of events. After getting thrown out at the plate, Eddie gets tossed by the ump for arguing which prompts Ralph to come in to argue and he ends up getting tossed. This after one of their players took a cheap shot during the game and was allowed to keep playing. The rallying keeps going until we get to Ralph’s spot in the order. We have J Ward on the bench but also have Perx in street clothes on the bench. It’s a no brainer as Perx throws on the colors, laces up a pair of Ralph’s small spikes and without a pair of socks on heads to the plate. Two outs, trailing four to one he lines a base hit to center to drive in a run. Total clutch. This puts the tying runs on base and brings Pep to the plate… Same old story as we give up a few runs we shouldn’t have, make a few mental mistakes and get no big hits from the teams leaders. We again are teetering on the brink of not making the play-offs and must begin to pick up all those little aspects of the game that we are not executing. Sure we pummel teams below us in the standings but against any other type of competition we fold.

Thursday July 15 -MacMillan Park Vs Thorold Jr’s (AA) – EB wins 16-9. B Ward provides veteran leadership in guiding EB to victory from the hill. We get down early two to nothing but we battle back, as B Ward keeps us in the game and we finally rally to win going away. The hero’s tonight are numerous. G continues his hot hitting now finding regular base hits to right field. Ralph juggles the lineup and puts himself 6^th and produces two hits, three RBI, a stolen base and a little league "home run". The "HR" is not worthy of his retirement though. DL drives in four runs and Lenny sparkles behind the dish throwing out a runner at second and making a remarkable catch of a foul ball near the young cuntess’s section who have come out to see the Jr’s. He almost makes another one an inning later more miraculous than the first only to have it tip off the end of his glove. DL plays short for us tonight and contributes a leaping snare of a line drive with a runner at third that prevents a run and Eddie rips three base hits to show us how its done. Ralph takes a Tony Kubek-like bad hop off his grill which draws blood, leaves a mark and has the rest of the club wondering if he will don a batting helmet for the rest of the game in the field, ala G. Words can not describe how much we needed this win. We have frankly been playing like shit and had to have something, anything we could cling to that would get our confidence back. Hopefully this is the game.

Friday July 16 -Burgar Park Vs Welland Lesions (35) – EB wins 9-6. We cash two runs in the top of the first and cruise to victory. Our only scare is a semi-rally in the bottom of the 7^th but Pauly comes in to throw his wicked curve and snuff out the uprising. Lenny has three hits and booms a couple doubles nearly going yard over the mini monster in right and lines wickedly to center into an inning ending double play when Ralph and Pep are caught double stealing. If there were no outs it would have been an easy triple play. Pete and Ralph each have three hits and Ralph drives in three. Perx comes back and plays in his first start in two weeks. After lining a base hit his first time up he K’s looking and almost gets tossed bitching about it. We only have nine players so we must cool him down and get him to keep quiet. Mikey is oh for five and is now oh for his last eleven following his HR on Sunday. Beers at TC afterwards where Bud-man entertains us with his WWII stories.

Sunday July 18 -Centennial Park Vs Molly’s Pub (AA) – EB wins 7-0. We win by forfeit. To show you what a bunch of fuckin’ retards these guys are here is the situation. Two thirds of the season is over and EB, Molly’s and St. James are battling for the final two-playoff spots. Molly’s fresh off a huge victory over Kuhn on Friday night is in fifth, a half game ahead of EB. St. James is two games behind EB. This is a bona-fide pennant race. For a 10:30 game they have one player there at 10:15 and only seven at 10:30. An eighth moron shows up at 10:35 but no one else and the game is forfeited. It does not get any more bush than this. EB makes the best of it and takes BP before relaxing with a few beers. Glenno makes his first appearance of the year and takes BP with us. Lenny’s dad also declares that he wants in for our next over 35 game. He’s a lefty and pretty sure of his abilities. We’ll have to see. W Ford gets his third career EB victory without a loss.

Monday July 19 -Sheridan Park Vs St. James (AA) – Rained out. Today teases us as it starts to rain around 3:30 in pockets of the city. The pocket at Sheridan is one of them and gets us another off night. After yesterday’s bullshit forfeit, it makes this even worse. EB is scheduled for only a Wednesday game this week although Ralph is working hard to get us a Friday game. Hopefully he will not be denied.

Wednesday July 21 -Delaware Park Vs Wiechec’s (AA) – EB loses 8-3. Big game with big playoff implications as EB is slipping and the race for the final spot in the playoffs is tightening up. Pep draws the big game assignment and scores an F. In the top of the first he gives up a base hit, a couple walks and a grand slam to put us into an immediate hole of which we do not recover. We rally in the fourth to make it four to two, inspired by Lenny’s hustling double, but Pep promptly gives them three in the top of the next frame to take EB out of it. Lenny and Eddie collect two hits each but our other big salaried players just are not stepping up in the big games. We make all the plays in the field but our pitching and hitting just did not get it done. We also couldn’t get a game scheduled for this Friday night so we have to live with this until the rematch Sunday with Wiechec’s. This time it will be at our yard.

Sunday July 25 -Centennial Park Vs Wiechec’s (AA) – EB loses 4-3. Another big game and another poor hitting performance by the squad. B Ward throws a gem and we cannot support him with the sticks. A two out error in the first costs him two runs, we don’t hit and EB is on the verge of sliding into seventh place and out of the playoff’s. We were in a similar spot last year and persevered so we must draw on that experience. Lenny hits a laser beam to left that crashes off the two-foot extension fence that was erected two years ago and misses a homer by a couple inches. Mikey cashes him in but Lenny is hexed. Things tend to even out over the course of a year but this guy for the past five years has hit 400’ majestic bombs in open parks for outs and line drive bullets off fences in all the fenced parks we play in. He should have ten homers a year with even a little luck. EB plays a good game but just cannot squeeze enough offense out of our lineup. We get enough hits but either cannot put them together nor can we get a clutch hit to break us out to give us a big inning.

Monday July 26 -Sheridan Park Vs Kuhn Construction (AA) – EB loses 15-9. I’ll say it again. Another big game as the playoffs seemingly are slipping away. Pep promptly goes out and gives up nine in the top of the first inning to take EB out of it. It amazing skip keeps handing him the baseball. He has not won a AA game since May! He also shows further leadership by getting tossed in the 2^nd inning arguing an obvious catcher’s interference call. Seems the plate ump cannot hear Mikey’s bat nearly Jim Abbott the catcher’s hand but his ears are good enough to hear Pep from the bench ragging him about it and he tosses him. The same ump comically calls interference on a mystery EB player/sniper later in the game when a Kuhn batter does a header on his own running to first base. He thinks that somehow one of our players has tripped the base runner. We successfully argue this point with the help of his geriatric base ump partner. EB does rally but we can’t get out of the huge hole that Pep dug for them early.

Thursday July 29 -Burgar Park Vs Welland Lesions (35) – EB wins 24-2. Big deal, this is the only fucking squad we seem capable of defeating. We score five in the first and nine in the second to put this game away early. Mikey bombs a three run homer and drives in five. The brothers Proulx each collect four hits and everyone in the lineup has at least one hit, one RBI and one run scored. We collect ten doubles, two triples and Mikey’s HR. Before the game we finally measure the distance to straight away center field and find out it measures 404 feet. Lenny then, true to his snake bitten legacy, hits one 400 feet to the base of the scoreboard for a double. Perx and Ralph come in and combine to throw the final four innings to finish up the blowout.

Friday July 30 -Delaware Park Vs Home Run Derby (AA) – EB loses 25-1. A miserable evening in the scorching heat, as it seems like we are shagging fly’s in some kind of sick version of BP. After a scoreless first we give up thirteen in the second and are in the field for 35 minutes as HRD bats twice through there order! The outfield is completely exhausted at the end of this inning. It doesn’t help that we boot four balls in the inning and do not execute a run down properly to give them another out. Pep is hit by sniper fire chasing a fly ball up the Crosley Field like berm in left center. This is not a good park for our team as our outfield speed is poor at best and gappers are not held to singles or doubles but go for homers. We are out hit twenty six to four. G has two of the hits, a double and a triple. Mrs. Pep has her car broken into during the game and her purse stolen. An all around good evening for everyone associated with the squad.

Sunday August 1 -Centennial Park Vs St. James’s Place (AA) – EB loses 10-8. Believe it or not, as shitty as we have been playing we can right our listing ship with a win today. Pep gets the ball and blows 2-0, 6-2 and 6-5 leads to garner another L. Every time EB scores we promptly give them back the next inning. B Ward replaces Pep in the fourth and shuts the door but the squad cannot make it all the way back. Lenny is three for three with three runs scored and a couple RBI. Danny also is three for three with three RBI but commits another of his infamous base running gaffes. This all but eliminates EB from the playoffs and the mood is very somber in the dugout afterwards. What has happened to us? We have lost five in a row in the league and just look like an awful ball club. We can’t beat anybody. Today’s story is horrible starting pitching, hitting into two double plays and running ourselves out of another inning by getting tossed at third to end the fifth inning trying to stretch a double into a triple after we had rallied to make it ten to eight and had them on the ropes. We also give up two Centennial Park specials that clear the fence by a combined five feet. We play here all year yet get out homered by every team in our own bandbox. That is very sad. The game is not without humor though as Perx goes ballistic on a guy that comes over bitching about someone who parked in a fire lane near the field. Half the club doesn’t know what’s happening until we come in after the inning. For such a mild mannered guy Perx scares us sometimes with his O.J. like explosions. Keep the sharp objects away from him!

Monday August 2 -Sheridan Park Vs Eldredge Club (AA) EB loses 18-8. With a slight glimmer of playoff hope left for the squad, it does not seem to matter as we get crushed again. We actually trail only four to two after two but then must endure another near half-hour half-inning that takes us right out of the game in the third. Lenny crushes a homer to left center through the teeth of the Sheridan-stick Park winds and Mikey almost one ups him by hitting the base of the centerfield fence in the 7^th for a double. They each end the game with three hits, Lenny scoring three times for the second straight game and adding four RBI. Eddie comes in to pitch the last three and a third innings and is effective enough to draw Friday nights start Vs St. James by the skip. Pep breaks his stick on a sixth inning come backer. Tonight is the final nail in the coffin as we are mathematically eliminated. We never thought we would have to say we are "mathematically eliminated" before. EB has never missed the playoffs and the swan dive since our quick four and one start has been more like a nosedive, JFK Jr. style! Nuf’ ced.

Thursday August 5 -Delaware Park Vs Vinny’s (AA) EB wins 7-2. We prove again that we could beat the only other club with a worse record than ours. EB is the bottom feeder killers. We even make this game interesting not putting it away until we get four in the 4^th to take a six to nothing lead. But even then with this season that is not even a safe lead. Lenny reaches the .400 mark with his sizzling Sunday and Monday night performance but Pep sees to it that he doesn’t stay their long by signaling the hit and run to him on consecutive pitches in the third inning. This produces a pop out on a bad pitch. Mission accomplished. Mikey drive home three runs and B Ward has a complete game four hitter. Danny plays his first game of the year at shortstop and also brings his klan to Delaware. It produces EB’s largest crowd of the year and Danny responds with a hit and three outstanding plays in the field. He has been pronounced fit for next year.

Friday August 6 -Delaware Park Vs St. James Place (AA) EB loses 13-11. Explanation point on our suck ass season. The squad falls behind early three to nothing and seven to two before rallying back in the bottom of the sixth to take an eleven to ten lead. Way before this at the end of the top of the second in which we trail by five, after all we have been through this year EB finally reached its boiling point. Words between players produce some ugly exchanges on the EB bench as the entire team is mesmerized by its consistently poor play. This is not EB but the losing has gotten us out of our minds. Mikey then crashes a third inning three-run homer to get us started in our comeback and Eddie completes the about face with a two-out, two strike base hit to left to plate the tying and go ahead runs in the bottom of the sixth. We start the seventh with a first pitch ground out followed by two walks and then a clutch K. With a left hand batter due up we opt to stay with our pitcher rather than calling in the left-handed specialist with the stellar Heathcliff Slocumb-like 6.72 ERA. The ensuing game winning three-run homer into the dark, dark evening at Delaware has us all scratching our heads. If we made the move would it really have made a difference? The way we have played this season the answer is a resounding no. Donnie Moore could have come down from all high and would have made the St. James batter look like Dave Henderson. That just is our season. Glenno makes his second appearance of the year except this time he doesn’t jinx us and we actually play. Eddie has brought a case of beer but makes a quick exit after the game. Not quite considered a bolting as the team votes.

Sunday August 8 -Centennial Park Vs Kuhn Construction (AA) Rained out. Our final game of the season is postponed until this Thursday night.

Monday August 9 Breaking News – EB in a stroke of lame, backing in luck is now the sixth and final team into the playoffs due to the second forfeiture of the season by Molly’s Pub. These stupid ass punk pricks get into some argument up in Thorold on Friday night and must forfeit their game after three players are tossed. When they don’t have enough players left to field a team they forfeit and by league rules are kicked out of the league. This puts Ralph in a tough spot and he contacts the other managers for advice and gets a unanimous chorus of "fuck them". This has been a league rule for years and those rules especially in the way of bush forfeitures cannot be bent. This now puts us into the single elimination first round Vs Kuhn or St. James Place one week from tonight. Same as last year it will be after the Hamilton tournament this weekend.

Wednesday August 11 – Welland Sports Complex Vs Welland Chief’s (NL) – EB wins 4-3. In the debut of the first player EB developed in its farm system, 42-year-old Gary Klumpp, throws a masterful six-inning eleven-strikeout performance. Due to an accident a few years ago Gary has one hand but this does not deter him in anyway. EB has taken the lefty in and made him one of the family. The squad echoes his acceptance with sayings about using two hands to catch and the endless Jim Abbott references. He was a product of the Chicago Cubs farm system reaching as high as double A and it shows. Every pitch has movement and every pitch is at the knees. J Ward and Pep close out the final inning. We score all our runs in the fourth inning and hang on in the end. I think we were all afraid to look like the bushers that we are to the Klumpp’r. If we had played like we have recently, I’m sure he would have said "Thanks, but no thanks". The squad is so inspired over the quick two-hour game and brilliant pitching performance that even Lenny breaks his Ripken-like streak and heads over to MT Bellies afterward. What’s up with that?

Thursday August 12 – Sheridan Park Vs Kuhn Construction (AA) – EB loses 10-5. The game is squared at five entering the seventh before we give up five to seal our fate. Eight of the ten runs are unearned. This game features an ugly confrontation over some lineup changes between the brothers Proulx. It resembles two rams butting heads out on the prairie. None of the players can intervene or they may get hurt. Cooler heads prevail and we get back to business and almost come away with a victory. B Ward and Mikey each have two hits. A win would have meant a first round playoff match-up Vs St. James Place. The loss drops us into a rematch with Kuhn Monday night with the winner moving on to the best of three second round. We finish the regular season with a dismal twelve and eighteen record. This weekend is the Hamilton (35) tournament at a new sports facility we have never played at.

Saturday August 14 – Bernie Arbour Park Vs Detroit Hardboy’s (35T) – EB loses 7-3. Pep begins the tournament festivities by rankling players and umps alike by getting in his pre-game running, spring training style, during the sad game that precedes EB’s game. EB has arrived. Then, in game one of the Hamilton Tournament we start out hot, scoring in the top of the first and adding another in the third on a long homerun by Al Kuhn to hold a two to nothing lead after three and a half. This diamond is the ultimate bandbox with the centerfield fence being 340’ away but other than Al we do not use it to our advantage. Then, as has been our plight all season, we make a crucial error in the bottom of the fourth that opens the door for a five run inning and we compound that by collecting only six hits ourselves to lose. Contrast that to our first inning where we score one, load the bases with one out but hit into an inning ending double play. This has been the way our season has gone. Give up big innings and scratch back with only single runs. Over 65% of all games at any level will show you that the winning team scores more runs in one inning than the loser score in all of its innings combined. It’s the Earl Weaver big bang theory that EB has scored a resounding F in all year. Due to the tough division that we are in for this tournament it will still be possible to make the finals even with this loss but now we must take care of our own business and get some help.

Saturday August 14 – Bernie Arbour Stadium Vs Milton (35T) – EB wins 10-0. We get back on track with a solid hitting, fielding and pitching performance. The squad pulls together after a long in between game wait, in which several players sleep during the Toronto Inter-County League play-offs, which is in the sixth game and pits the Toronto Maple Leafs Vs Hamilton Cardinals. We have some acquaintances on the Toronto team that we can talk to during the long wait and catch up on things. We also must endure Perx asking the question of the weekend. "If you were a hot dog..." Pep has the games most interesting line as he is oh for oh with three walks and three runs scored. Swing the bat you faggot. The Hardboys have had their game end in a tie Vs St. Catharine’s, our Sunday opponent. If we can win Sunday morning Vs St. Catharine’s and the Hardboy’s lose to Oakville, we are in the finals.

Sunday August 15 – Bernie Arbour Stadium Vs St. Catharine’s (35T) – EB wins 7-2. A solid game by the entire squad as we take care of our own business. The game is close through three innings and then Lenny hits a three-run bomb in the fourth to give the team some breathing room and carry us to victory. Mikey also adds three RBI. We must wait for the phone call to come in from the other diamond to give us the result of the Hardboy/Oakville game. It arrives and the news is not good and EB is finished. Another disappointing end as we must think of the one bad inning we played that cost us our shot to get to the finals which turns out would have been the rubber game Vs the Detroit Schaeffer’s. We sit around to watch the finals and must endure the asshole Hardboys winning the trophy. It must be a prerequisite that you must be a gigantic asshole to gain membership on their team because they did corner the market. Watching the finals from the stands at the stadium, EB could easily have gained membership to their squad. It seems the Canadians put up with us just because we support the shit out of each of their tournaments. It certainly can’t be because we are liked, as our mouths are brutal.

Monday August 16 – Sheridan Park Vs Kuhn Construction (AA Playoffs) – EB loses 19-6. Unceremoniously bounced in the first round of the play-offs. A fitting way to end our season. We go out one, two, three in the top of the first and give up ten in the bottom of the inning. Nice start boys and how very typical. We make four suspect plays to keep the inning alive and our pitchers bare the brunt by having to throw forty pitches, which is a certain recipe for disaster. At any level the game calls for three outs. When your innings are of the four, five and six out variety, you will never win. Our (AA) season is over and in a very dismal fashion.

AA Post-Season Wrap Up – Kuhn goes on to defeat Home Run Derby two games to one while The Eldredge Club knocks off Wiechec’s two games to one. When these two series started Ralph predicted this exact finals match-up. Eldredge sticks are hot and stay that way. They also know how to play the game properly and when the games get tight they usually will not beat themselves. This is not true of the Kuhn squad who play a mindless moronic style and have an utter disregard for the little things of the game. When a game is close and they can’t out slug you twenty to nineteen they make idiotic mental mistakes that cost them games. The finals exaggerate this point. Game one; they have a runner picked off second base by the catcher to end an inning. Same game, runners at first and third one out. The runner on first tried to take second while players are walking back to their positions. The pitcher runs at him and tags him out and the runner on third then breaks for home. He is out by twenty feet and a big inning is avoided. They surrender eleven runs in the 7^th to lose. Game two down by a run in the 7^th inning they get their leadoff hitter on base. He is promptly picked off first. Eldredge wins their fourth league championship two games to none.

Sunday August 22 – Delaware Park Vs Vinny’s (NL) – EB wins 7-6. In a rare Sunday afternoon game we move into our baseball junkie, keep sharp for tournaments and AZ mode portion of our schedule. Vinny’s is making roster moves to improve next year and they have players from Wiechec’s and St. James playing with them. We are not sure which guys are auditioning for next year’s squad. We have Tim Blarr playing shortstop for us for the first time, as he will be our AZ shortstop this year. The game goes smoothly along with EB holding a comfortable seven to one lead going into the bottom of the seventh. Vinny’s rally’s back with five in the 7^th and have runners at the corners and one out. J Ward gets the next two hitters to save EB from total collapse. Lenny, not suspecting this game, has gone camping while Mikey holds down the catching duties. Danny, amazingly, is at the game and plays well. Just a few short hours ago he was falling on his ass and in another world during his stag party. He could not have felt very well. Mikey, B Ward, Ralph and Pep vote his stag the worst of all time. Nothing can be worse than standing on a roof to watch a stripper strip at another person’s stag on the outside back patio. No matter how hot she was. What was that $25.00 for anyway? He owes us big time and we will not let him forget it.

Sunday August 29 – Centennial Park Vs St. James Place (NL) – EB wins 11-0. Klumpp’r, with relief help from B Ward and Pep, leads the way in a rare EB shutout victory. T Blarr rips a homer and the squad plays solid defense to preserve the shutout. Eddie, Danny and T Blarr each drive in three runs and Eddie also hits a homer. Although the season is over and these games should have a more relaxed feel to them EB has a few tense moments anyway when the lineup is posted. G is in the lineup but not at a fielding position. He stages a brief strike in which he removes his spikes and himself from the dugout. As only Pep can, he discusses the situation with G and he plays on, though not without being mothered a few times by G. The squad must put that behind us, play ball and contribute in the spot we are placed. That is exactly what happens and we get a good win out of it. EB hangs for a few hours afterwards to bond with our new AZ teammates. We have to see if they can handle being with EB for eight days in November. Post game festivities include a case of beer run along with a cigar-fest of the new guys trying to impress the skip.

Tuesday August 31 – Sheridan Park Vs Vinny’s (NL) – EB wins 11-2. We wished for and got a two-game sweep in our league finals. This leaves an extra diamond date paid for and we swoop in like vultures to pickup another game. It again is against the newly constituted Vinny’s. We are patient with their first pitcher who cannot find the plate and work him for four walks and eight runs in the top of the first. B Ward then proceeds to mow them down and EB cruises to victory. Everyone in the lineup scores at least one run.

Wednesday September 1 – Welland Sports Complex Vs Welland Chief’s (Game 1 – Peace Bridge Series) – EB loses 6-5. In the opener of this best of five, which concludes in Cooperstown September 18 and 19, EB blows a five to three lead in the bottom of the 9^th with the help of a two-out error and we walk in the winning run on four pitches to fall behind one game to none. The squad collects sixteen hits but cannot deliver the knockout blow. We leave eleven men on base. It is a bitter defeat as the team was treating this series not as a best of five but like the old Worlds Series, a best of nine format. Our mission was to take all five games. Lenny, as has been the case all year, is robbed twice on great plays. The second is a wicked line drive to left that turns the left fielder in two directions but he somehow spins and comes down with the ball. Such is our night. A late night in the Complex parking lot follows.

Saturday September 4 – Burgar Park Vs Mississauga (35T) EB wins 10-2. The first game of the Welland Temple Club tournament starts off in good fashion. We have secured Klumpp’r for the tournament and our pitching looks strong again. This was our strong point when the squad was the favorite in most tournaments in the past we had entered. We thought we had that magic ready for use the past couple years but with injuries and other ailments it always seemed B Ward, Pep and then? Sometimes it worked, most times it didn’t. Adding Klumpp’r pays dividends as we surrender only two runs to a young Mississauga club. Chances are after they had played their first game earlier that day they hit the sauce as we see someone bring five beers into their dugout during our game. EB loves to enjoy a beer every now and then but there is a time and a place. It is a disgrace to the sport and the venerable Burgar Park. We kick their asses soundly and keep our runs against down. Klumpp’r and Lenny use their heads in the pre-game warm up, which causes little Klumpp’r to take a pitch off his temple. Maybe next time the two geniuses should warm up in front of the stands. This way they can hit people not associated with EB. The results of this put Pep as the starter and Klumpp’r the second man up to be followed by B Ward. Lenny drives in three and B Ward and G drive in two runs in the romp.

Saturday September 4 – Burgar Park Vs West Mountain (35T) EB wins 10-2. A close game early that turns into a blow out. EB is fired up and plays solid baseball. Everyone in the lineup has at least one hit and all but one collect an RBI. We have now given up four runs in two games and are two and oh. St. Catharine’s, Niagara Falls and Tecumseh are also two and oh but St. Kits and Niagara Falls have given up eight and nine runs respectively while Tecumseh has given up only one. We must win tomorrow morning and give up less than five runs to reach the finals.

Sunday September 5 – Burgar Park Vs Walsingham (35T) EB wins 15-3. EB just keeps on sticking. We score eight in the bottom of the first and roll. Eddie has butchered Perx’ name and he has become Perky and Perky’s stick has been smokin! He and Pauly are getting hits almost every time up and the rest of the order has followed suit. Eddie crashes the first of his five promised homeruns in the third, a three-run job and also has a triple. We find out we have made the finals as we have given up less runs during our three victorious games than St. Kits or Niagara Falls. Most of EB squad now heads over to the Blue Star Restaurant to cheat the gods with a big breakfast before the championship game against Tecumseh. We want the pressure of Ralph’s abuse hanging over our heads if we should falter this afternoon, as it was our big lunch up in Hamilton during a 1998 tournament that "cost" us that game Vs Oakville. The big lunch did cost us that day not to mention the eight runs Pep gave up in his two innings of work.

Sunday September 5 – Burgar Park Vs Tecumseh (35T) EB wins 11-2. We destroy an old nemesis and come away with our first Temple Club Tournament victory since 1994. The score is two to two after two as we botch a rundown, again, and hand them two runs before Purky, Pauly and the rest of the bunch just hammer away to secure the trophy. Purky has two hits in each game of the tourney to finish the weekend at .615 and Pauly hits .583. Pauly adds three hits in this game and G three RBI. We outscore our opponents forty-six to nine over the four games with G leading the RBI parade with seven followed by Ralph and Lenny with six. Klumpp’r garners four W’s and B Ward four saves.

Wednesday September 8 – Welland Sports Complex Vs Welland Chief’s (Game 2 – Peace Bridge Series) EB loses 9-4. We dig ourselves a huge hole by dropping the second game and falling behind two games to none. With the start of the Niagara Falls Tournament tomorrow night our plan is to throw our three pitchers three innings each. Heavy rains during the day cause Klumpp’r to miss the game and Eddie backs out at the last minute so we must scramble and get T Blarr and T Minarcin to fill in and we are also without the twins who are home convalescing. This forces B Ward to start and go as long as he can and he turns in a gem. However EB cannot respond to his major nut job as we strand runners by not converting our many opportunities. B Ward goes the first 7 2/3 and leaves trailing four to three. Pep comes in and surrenders the rest and the squad seems dumbfounded over its failure to win either of the first two games. Ralph collects four hits. This forces us to win next Wednesday night and the following weekends pair at the Coops to win the Series.

Thursday September 9 – Oakes Park Vs St. Catharines (35T) – Rained out. A blessing in disguise on a rare weekday start to a tournament as Lenny is in Detroit tonight seeing the faggot Boss in concert and B Ward gets another two days to rest after his masterful pitching last night. We have won this tournament the last two years and three of the last four and would like nothing better than to three-peat and we will need our arms rested and ready if we are to do it.

Saturday September 11 – Burgar Park Vs Detroit Schaeffer’s (35T) – EB wins 5-4. A strong performance in the opening game of the Niagara Falls Tournament as we get off on the right foot. We are up five to three heading into the last inning and the Schaeffer’s begin to rally. Ralph succeeds in getting their large (in more ways than one) contingent of fans worked up into a lather before he pulls a tiring B Ward in favor of Eddie, much to the chagrin of Pep. Eddie comes in and K’s two of the four hitters he faces to seal the victory. One of the hitters he didn’t K got a bases loaded base hit to Pauly in right field. The runner from second rounded third and got half way home before he inexplicably stopped and returned to third. Pauly’s renowned gun from right may or may not have got him but we’ll never know. The Schaeffer’s own players were extremely pissed off at his move and then Eddie made them even more so by striking out the last hitter on a wicked knuckleball. Purky starts three double plays from his third base position to squelch rallies. Pauly remains wickedly hot as he and Pete collect two hits each. This is a great start on our goal of claiming our third straight Niagara Falls Tourney.

Saturday September 11 – Burgar Park Vs Welland Temple Club (35T) – EB loses 5-1. This game, played immediately after our 5-4 victory Vs Detroit, is abysmal. We get three hits off of three bums and can’t beat a team with guys leaving in the middle of the game to attend a big softball tournament. Two umpiring gaffes cost us three runs, one when with a runner on first a ground ball is hit to short. The throw for the force at second is over Ralph’s head and goes out of play and the ump awards that runner home! We argue that were it not for the overthrow we would have forced him at second but the ump insists he had made second. A runner not stealing on a pitch at any level, major league included, is not going to beat a routine groundball to short into second base, let alone at a thirty-five and older tournament. The other call is on a pop up that Mikey catches that is ruled out of play. Mikey is in play by at least five yards. The bottom line though is we let down from our high of the first game victory, pressed when a few calls went against us and didn’t convert our early opportunities when we had runners at second or third base with less than two outs. We spent the game popping up and striking out and never tested their defense. Again we put ourselves in a position of needing help to get to the finals something that should never come into play as we should have been headed into Sunday’s action with a two and oh record. There is no excuse for this type of play! Klumpp’r shows he is EB with his chatter and rankling of feathers by calling a TC player stupid for getting picked off third. We are told that TC uses this as incentive. Whatever.

Sunday September 12 – Oakes Park Vs St. Catharine’s (35T) – EB loses 4-4. A fitting end to the weekend as we blow a four to one lead in the last inning. We find out before the start of the game that Dufferin-Simcoe is in the finals from our division by virtue of surrendering only seven runs during their two wins and one loss games. We have seen their staff and who the hell were they holding to only seven runs? We have given up only nine heading into our third game and they gave up seven in three games? This only serves to piss us off more (like we needed any encouragement) as we bemoan our loss to the Temple Club even more. Then we proceed to give away a game we have won. Pauly draws the wrath of St. Kits for throwing out their lard ass manager at first on a hard hit line drive to right field. Seems like in "Vintage Baseball" we are to prance around and celebrate every hard hit ball by letting them fall in for hits or not make a play on it. God forbid someone dive and make a circus catch and risk being ostracized for stealing some fuckin’ drunk Canadian’s hit away from them. That would be un-Vintage-like. But it’s quite OK to suck beers down in the dugout during the games and act like a total fool on the diamond. The asshole even refuses to shake Pauly’s hand after the game because of it. Eddie has a tough fifth inning as he walks and promptly gets hosed by ten feet stealing second for the first out and then argues the call. He’s the only one that thought he was safe. Lenny follows with a base hit and Eddie goes in to run for him. Mikey lifts a high pop up and Eddie takes off and is rounding second when it is caught. Problem is that there was only one out. The pop out is two and doubling Eddie off first is three. This "base running" obscures his three for three performance. An inning like that for the EB books will do that. We hold a four to one lead going into the bottom of the last inning. We give up four runs and need a gift call from the ump on a play at third for the third out to escape the game with a tie (loss). We must now further kick ourselves in the ass as we watch Dufferin-Simcoe Vs West Mountain in the finals in an extremely sad display of baseball. We must really suck!

Wednesday September 15 – Welland Sports Complex Vs Welland Chief’s (Game 3 -Peace Bridge Series) – EB loses 17-4. This game is actually zero to zero going into the third inning before EB displays its form that has been a disastrous recipe all season long. A couple hits, a couple misplayed balls that go from being an out to being a hit and before you know it we are in an eight to nothing hole. Pep comes in to relieve B Ward and does his gasoline routine and the game turns into an embarrassing drubbing as we get swept in the series. The umps want to stop the game after seven with EB down seventeen to one but we steadfastly refuse and collectively tell him to forget it. One bright spot is Pauly continues to hit the shit out of the ball with B Ward and Pep’s new bat. He goes four for four to raise his average to .410. He also gets hosed trying to stretch a single into a double for the first out of the fourth inning after we had just given up eight! Perx gets hit by a pitch in the seventh inning for the first time in his life.

Friday / Saturday September 17 / 18 – Doubleday Field, Cooperstown, NY Vs Welland Chief’s (Game 4 – Peace Bridge Series) – EB wins 15-6. The old Coops magic returns. Is it the mystical Cooperstown aura? Is it playing during daylight? Whatever it is EB refuses to lose at venerable Doubleday. Most of the guy’s head down early Friday so that we can bomb around town and to complete the beginning of our Mecca tour before totally focusing on the ballgames at hand. We travel down to Doubleday Field to check on the diamond as Hurricane Floyd has dumped five inches of rain at the yard on Thursday. We show up and Joe Harris, aka The Diamond Nazi, says hello and asks us how many of us are there. We say six and he asks if we’d like to help him remove the tarp from the infield so the wind can get at some of the wet spots. We all oblige but get a little grumbling from Lenny as this type of work is below him. Joe Harris, head groundskeeper on one of the most classic of all diamonds, likes us enough to allow us on hallowed ground in our street clothes to help him. That is an honor. It takes about fifteen minutes and after we are done he invites us into his office for a beer and shows us the new renovation plans for the Coops façade that just got approved by the town board. This weekend is starting off magically already.

Danny arrives at 6:00 AM Saturday morning after working seventeen hours and driving another three and a half. Pep wakes up blurry-eyed and thinks its B Ward on the couch. We look game ready I guess. We have been waiting and waiting for Eddie to come through on his promise to be the first squad member to go yard at the Coops. Lenny has waited long enough and leads off the bottom of the second with a bomb on the first pitch that lands in the last row of seats in dead center and bounces out of the park. Awesome! It’s about time someone did it and Lenny is a fitting person to accomplish this EB first. Inspired and not to be outdone G blasts his own HR, a shot to left-center, an equally impressive shot. Mikey comes up in the fifth with the sacks full and hits one two feet from the top of the mini-monster in left narrowly missing a grand slam. Finally G also comes up with the sacks juiced and hits a ball to right that everyone is sure is out. It misses the first row of seats and bounds back to the infield off the cement wall. He settles for a bases clearing double. We hold an eight to six lead going into the bottom of the eighth before we post a seven spot to blow the game open. What a day for EB. A victory and an incredible hitting performance. Everyone in the lineup, which has grown to eleven, collects at least one hit and one run scored. G drives in four; Mikey and Ralph three while Lenny, Purky and B Ward each have three hits. Our only fear is that, as we have done in the past, we have used up all of our runs and will leave B Ward scrambling tomorrow and having to throw a no-hitter to get a win. Tonight features a steak dinner as each guy kicks in $10.00 and Mikey and Pep raid the Great American Grocery Store out of their steaks and B Ward and Ralph cook up a feast. The spread includes enough steak for second and third helpings. Bud is so inspired that he is wolfing down huge pieces of the beast and almost is EB casualty number one as he begins choking. Mikey is summoned for life saving measures but Pauly gets him to cough up the hunk and it flies across the table and he is breathing again. Lenny’s appetite is lost as the flying chunk of beast lands right near his plate but he doesn’t care because he went yard! Pep crashes through the screen door to the back porch that provides a few laughs and B Ward spills the hot coals all over the wood deck and damn near burns the place down. This all happened in one day! What the hell can tomorrow bring?

Sunday September 19 - Doubleday Field, Cooperstown, NY Vs Welland Chief’s (Game 5 – Peace Bridge Series) EB wins 17-15. We keep the Chief’s winless at Coops which enables EB to have some bragging rights after dropping the PB Series three games to two. We score four in the top of the first for B Ward but don’t pick the ball up for him in the second and third and trail after three, ten to four. All ten runs are unearned! Klumpp’r comes in and throws five innings of one run ball, striking out nine to give the squad a chance to come back. And comeback we do as we continue to pound the ball all over the yard. What is with our sticks this weekend? In the fourth we plate four runs on consecutive hits by G, Perx, Petey and B Ward and trail ten to eight. We add seven more in the sixth and hold a seventeen to eleven lead going into the bottom of the ninth. Klumpp’r comes out as Ralph gets cocky and thinks that even Pep can hold this lead. And hold the lead he does but not before giving up four runs and having the tying run at the plate before retiring the last hitter on a line drive that Eddie hauls down in center field to end it. Eddie had a dilemma to deal with on this play. Pep was down to his last hitter and Eddie was the next man in. Should he drop that last ball so he could come in and be the hero or should he just run the ball down, catch the final out and call it a day? He smartly makes the grab. G adds three more RBI to finish the weekend with seven, Lenny adds four today to finish with six and B Ward is five for seven for the two games. Danny is ready to kill someone and we think it’s the announcer we have hired to do this weekends games. He is about eighty years old and plays music form the forties in between innings. It adds an old-time feeling to the game. However, every time Danny comes to the plate, his theme song is "It’s a Small World". A whole weekend of that and he goes one for nine. Anyway, this is the nineties. Isn’t that grounds for a lawsuit? We’ll take Doubleday as our reward. After the game some of the player’s head home while Ralph, B Ward, Mikey and Pep spend the final night watching the Bills kick some Jets ass in the home opener 17-3. Flutie is unreal.

Saturday September 25 – Ninth Line Field Vs Tecumseh (35T) EB wins 12-3. We open the Oakville tournament with a thrashing of a rival. A different type of format for this tournament is devised with the teams divided into six three-team divisions based on their skill. You play both teams in your division and then depending on a combination of your record, runs against and runs for, face the team from another division. This should have been a better game but four of Tecumseh’s players have not shown up due to a blown engine hose en route to the game. To keep the tournament on schedule we allow them to play with players from Dufferin-Simcoe who has played in the game before us so as there is not a forfeit. Those guys are good but they are not Tecumseh and it shows. It’s to bad to as EB/Tecumseh is always a great match up. Our squad does not resemble EB at all as we are missing Pauly, Perx, Pete (with the last minute shits), Klumpp’r (last minute family brawl) and Eddie. We pickup Randy and Lew (Temple Club) along with Trevor from our league to fill out the squad. Further we are losing B Ward for Sunday’s game, as he must drive to Louisville for business. We are scouring the park for a ninth player for Sunday but must concentrate on the business at hand. Everyone in the makeshift lineup collects at least one hit and everyone scores a run except for Trevor but he makes up for it by driving in three. Lew and Pep are the only ones without a RBI. So far we have gotten away with the revamped EB. The true test is the next game Vs the Schaeffer’s.

Saturday September 25 – Ninth Line Field Vs Detroit Schaeffer’s (35T) EB wins 4-2. We advance to the finals tomorrow morning by playing a solid game all around. We have had these guys number for the past five years and continue to beat them like a drum. Trailing in the top of the third two to nothing and with the bases loaded, Mikey comes up clutch by stroking a double to the gap in left center to clear the bases and give us a three to two lead. We add another in the sixth and hold on for the victory. B Ward heads off to Louisville with a three for three performance to finish his day four for four with a walk and a mound victory. That should make for a good drive. Pep has an interesting pitching line of two innings, six hits, one walk and no runs. We will now play Tillsonburg tomorrow afternoon at 1:30. They are the Canadian National over 35 champions for 1999. We faced them back in May in the Mississauga tournament and beat them in a hard fought game five to one. We know they have a good squad with solid pitching. On our way to the hotel we get a call from Klumpp’r who says he is on his way up. We will believe it when we see him. At the hotel they have screwed up our reservations and do not have rooms for us. Ralph, our fearless leader, straightens things out by getting us free rooms ten minutes down the road at the Travel Lodge. However the rooms are not ready (Jesus Christ it’s five o’clock in the afternoon!) so Ralph scores us free drinks and eats in the bar until they are ready. Free drinks and eats for eight players, two wives and three kids. Job extremely well done. The tab is over $70.00 and who comes strolling in but the Klumpp’r during our impromptu happy hour. We have our ninth player for tomorrow now.

Sunday September 26 – Ninth Line Field Vs Tillsonburg (35T) EB wins 1-0. We win the game by throwing a no-hitter for the second time this year. We collect only three hits and make a first inning manufactured run hold up. It starts with a walk, stolen base, advance to third on a passed ball and a run scoring ground out by Mikey. Klumpp’r nuts it up to start the game with two untouchable innings followed by Pep who shakes off his Saturday pitching line of four innings pitched and thirteen hits to throw two hitless innings and Mikey Lew closes it out to preserve the no-no. This has been a tough ball yard all weekend to hit at, as the hitting background is brutal and both teams struggle to get a good look at pitches. Mikey, B Ward and Lenny seem to be the only ones unaffected. Ralph has gone through a complete metamorphosis regarding this tourney since yesterday. Perturbed about his players missing the tournament and having to scrounge up other players, he vows to not come back to Oakville next year. I think the exact words were "fuck this". But after the way we play and securing the tournament victory, "fuck this" has turned into "fuck them" and we are bringing the same guys next year to Oakville that won it for us this year. I’m not so sure that will hold up though. Time will tell.

Post Season—The EB year sadly comes to a close. But Mikey, Len, Pep and Ralph continue to play as the Buffalo Indians reprise their AZ trip. They get out of that tournament with a single victory, on Pep’s birthday no less. EB has had a very trying season. Missing out on the playoffs by going twelve and eighteen was very disappointing. We started the season strong but came crashing back to earth very quickly. Losing Dave Ladori for essentially the whole season due to his AAA League play was a blow. Kirby was only able to throw those two May 9^th innings for us and we missed his thirteen victories. Glenno officially retired although we thought a few times he would attempt a come back. This hurt the staff, the batting order and Lenny, as he had to catch every game in Glenno’s absence. It may have kept a few of the player’s including himself alive for another year so maybe their was a silver lining in it after all. The addition of Klumpp’r to our staff will improve things for 2000. His experience can only help the rest of the staff although the EB sked may hurl him into divorce court. Danny being able to play the field for the whole season will also help and give us some different options to use. We struggled throughout the year with continuity due to injuries and other situations. It seemed we were always playing guys out of position and juggling the lineup. We cannot be any worse can we? Winning two tournaments, along with another sweep at the Coops were definitely highlights along with the two no hitters the staff fashioned. The EB family added to their funny stories from the road and playing ball all spring, summer and fall is never a bad thing. See you next year!